Plan: a detailed proposal for doing or achieving something

One would think that with 26 years of real-life experience I would have the ability to plan a catastrophic-event-free vacation. My parents trained me well, giving a diverse range of painstakingly planned experiences to prepare me for any situation.

Left in a deserted castle in the hillsides of Bavaria at the age of two? Check.

Stuck in a death-defying riptide in Mexico? Check.

No usable Italian while barefoot wearing pajamas at midnight in Rome? Check.

Finding yourself passportless in Spain? Check.

I’ve met witch doctors in the Bahamas and watched toilets explode in the British Virgin Islands; but nothing could prepare me for the mighty, ever daunting, girls road trip.

In theory this girls road trip should not require more than two minutes of planning – throw some clothes in a suitcase, a cooler in the backseat, some bikes on the back and hit the road by 9. Right?

Evidently not.

Hear-in lies the first mistake: the bike rack on the back of your mother’s car that disguises itself as user friendly is in fact not.

Beach cruiser one on? Yes. Tie it down and move to beach cruise two.

Wait, beach cruise two will not fit on bike rack. How is that possible? What if we put it on first?

Untie beach cruiser one and replace with beach cruiser two. Unfortunately beach cruiser two only confirms to the bike racks static design constraints while placed at a vertical angle. Oh well.

Load beach cruiser one again. If only beach cruiser two weren’t encroaching on all usable space.

Remove beach cruiser two and replace with beach cruise one.

…

An hour later all appropriate angles were ascertained and girls road trip is ready to depart.

NOW WHERE DID THE CAR KEYS GO?

Highway 1. You have been warned. We're on vacation.